Who am I?

"Who am I, Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?"

2 Samuel 7: 18

I feel so blessed. I often find myself speaking those same words uttered from the mouth of King David so many years ago. I stand in amazement of all the joy and miracles God has allowed me to experience in this life. Three of which are my children. All three have been gifts, miracles, but even more than that I can see His hand move with precision like a great chess play as He placed each one in our family. I am so excited that each of my children can proudly proclaim "I am a miracle!" and each will have a great story of truth to share.

I started the blog at the beginning of the first miracle. The night the Holy Spirit intervened in my life in a way I had yet to experience. Over four years ago as I sat at the computer, on the verge of 10 years of marriage, desperately wanting children but trying to accept the fact that I had none, I searched online for a spectacular vacation Joey and I could take to celebrate our marriage milestone. Within minutes, I discovered God not only had different plans for my evening but for my life.

Having never researched or considered an international adoption.......I found my fingers typing it in, and then specifically Russia. Now Joey and I had considered maybe someday adopting after we had children of our own. "Someday" and from the good old US of A. But RUSSIA? And NOW? NEVER. In fact I had always been kind of scared of Russia if I am going to honest and never had a desire to travel there. (I think it might have to do with some of the wars and armies and threats I had learned about in school.)

This story would not be complete without me also mentioning that Joey and I were actually pursuing the VERY beginning of fertility treatments & testing at the time. Because of my trouble switching blood thinners (I will take for life) that I need to prevent clotting (a disorder I have had since the age of 14) we decided to take a little break. This is the time God chose to bring the dream.

Back to the story (the short version actually) ... so I typed in "Russian adoption" and all of a sudden began sobbing as my body began to shake and shiver. I felt the Holy Spirit fall upon me and all through me in the most powerful way and immediately I felt "pregnant." I knew I wasn't physically but I experienced every emotion and thought my physically pregnant friends had ever described. And I knew "beyond a shadow of a doubt" that this WAS HAPPENING. I knew that all was already being orchestrated before I even made a move. All I knew was at this time and this way......my heart said yes. God's ways are perfect by the way. When I could compose myself, I called Joey upstairs to talk, and without a second of hesitation he was on board!

Long story made extremely short........9 months exactly to that evening.......our adoption was final. Amazing. As time moved on I just had a hunch it would land on that day....God is so good and clever like that. What took place during that nine months you can read about WAY back in this blog....lots of paperwork, money we didn't have, time, frustration, roller coaster of emotions, the kindness of friends and family, LOTS of travel and long lengths of stays in Russia. The conclusion.....we came home to America as a relieved family of four on 7/7/07 a day I will never forget.

I love reminding Jones and Mollie of their story. Of how much God loves them. Of how He watched over them and how his plan was for them to be in THIS very specific family. Of how without Him, we would have never found them. We would have never even known of their existence. And now that they are here in our arms.......how could we have ever lived without them?

This leads us to the present time. Although I continued to pray and cry out to God asking him to expand our family and to experience pregnancy and childbirth I began to wonder. After three more years of "trying" but "not trying" and feeling as though maybe God saw our family complete and maybe having a biological child wasn't a part of His plan.....we became pregnant for the first time in thirteen years. We were almost in disbelief, so amazed but couldn't believe it was happening. But just surprising as that little life came, it was gone. My heart did not know how to feel. What? Was? That? About? In the end I chose to accept that sweet little life as two things....number one: hope, it is possible that our two bodies can create life, number two: I asked for a child, I now have a child, safe in heaven being raised by the best Father of all. And with that..........came PEACE.

One more year passed and now two 33rd birthdays and a 13th year anniversary and then just before Christmas (the same time as the year before....) PREGNANT! Again! I can't say that there wasn't fear in the beginning especially having experienced the previous year and loss of our sweet child we decided to name "Zayin Raye." At the same time however there was excitement, confidence, and peace! There have been MANY odds to fight in this pregnancy (you can read the previous blog posts) but through it all, faith and healing have prevailed! And now two 34th birthdays, a 14th year anniversary, 9 healthy pregnant months, with a 5 1/2-year-old and "almost" 9-year-old in tow, we are just days from bringing our third little miracle with a story into our family! Nola Grace will also have a foundation of faith and a story of truth not only of how her siblings came to be in this family but how she herself was placed here as an answer to her Mommy's prayers in God's perfect timing.

We are so blessed which is why I will forever say "Who am I, Sovereign Lord, and who is my family that you have brought me this far?"

Sorry I skipped the fun!

Well, I realize I totally skipped all the fun stuff on this blog! I found out on April 4th we are having a little girl!!! A dream come true! We were down to the names Emme & Ruby and then on a quick trip to the beach Joey and I decided on Nola Grace! She will share a middle name with my niece Livi. :)

Today I had another ultrasound and Nola is looking good healthy and is weighing in at the 50th percentile at 1lb 11 ounces. :) Unfortunately we couldn't see her face. She is a bashful girl. Last time she covered her little profile up with her arm and today it was her arm and then completely turning around. She had no problem showing us her beautiful spine & cute little bootie though!

May 31st is my next and I just hope I see her little nose. :) Here's to hopin' and prayin'

Nope.

Had another ultrasound today. It was another really long one. Things went well. However.....baby did not cooperate to let us peek to see boy or girl. Oh well, we'll just have to wait. And thankfully only 4 weeks.

The great news is though that the clot is gone and all looks well! :) Got to see all the parts again and even count tiny fingers!

An appt with my regular OB is later on this week. I don't expect any different news. Just gonna hold on for new news in 4 weeks! :) Pray for the lil' one not too be too shy.

A Baby a Real Live Baby!

I had a couple different doctor appointments this week. The first appointment was Monday with the high risk specialist. I was there for an ultrasound and blood test to test for different birth defects and risks. It was a LONG appointment! I took my Mom with me which was kind of fun!
So I saw our little "poptart!" A REAL LIVE moving, kicking, waving baby! That was very exciting to see more than a dot on the screen! Everything looked good- spine, head, abdomen, 2 arms, 2 legs, etc. Measurements came in at right where we should be 11weeks 4 days!

Dr. S was doing her best to get a perfect profile shot for the testing. This proved to be tougher than it seemed. She kept pressing on my body trying to "bounce" the baby. Ouch! She kept saying "C'mon lovey, bounce!" She is a very good doctor, that part was just a little uncomfortable.

Before I left she did inform me that I have a small organized bleed or clot on the left side of my uterus. This does cause more risk for miscarriage but in her words the plan is for it to "resorb" back into my tissue so we should be fine but it is definitely something to be praying about. In the meantime, I am on light duty (rest) and pelvic rest until March 7th at least.

A couple days later on Wednesday I finally met up with Dr. M, my ACTUAL OB doctor! It was so good to see her as I feel like I have already been through so much in the pregnancy without seeing her! She gave me a hug and took lots of extra time with me going over our risks, plans, tests, etc. Exam went well and all looks great!

So to wrap up.......we are doing good and just a few days from scootin' along to trimester 2! We will be praying for this clot to go away and would ask you to pray along with us! :) Next exciting day is March 7th, my next ultra sound where we will hopefully see NO clot but are hoping to see the sex of this baby!

Another Little "Odd"

I keep saying that God has promised us this beautiful child growing inside and "against all odds" this little him or her will be born! :)

Dr. called this morning and said all my tests came back normal except I am anemic. This was not a surprise to me as I have struggled in the past with iron deficient anemia. So... on to twice daily constipating iron supplements.....yeah! Anyway, no matter how unpleasant, hopefully this change will add to the health of my baby. I was reading about anemia in pregnancy and the risk in first trimester is basically low birth weight and pre-term labor which is pretty much the risk with almost every other issue I face so...nothing new. Plus we are gonna "nip this problem in the bud" NOW!

Good news is my first appointment was moved up to February 2nd (my Sis-in-law's bday by the way.:) I am really looking forward to "hearing" the heartbeat and talking over all these risks are with my Dr. as well as my unique delivery plan (because of the blood thinners.) I will also have an ultrasound to test for risk of Down Syndrome on January 31st. I am really excited to see my little "poptart!"

So lets add up the "odds":

*34-year-old Mom (as of this coming Saturday! Okay so I haven't hit that 35 mark but still they are giving me extra testing because of my age.)

*Overweight + some

*Clotting disorder (therefore blood thinners)

*Heart shaped Uterus (Septated)

*Previous YEARS of infertility

*Anemia

Wow! BUt isn't it great to say that we serve a God that is bigger and stronger than all these things!!!!!!!!!!

Miscommunication

It's been awhile since I've posted. Not much too talk about. As far as I know our little baby is healthy and things are going well. My morning sickness has increased as is expected. I am 9 weeks pregnant as of yesterday! Baby is the size of a green olive now. :)

My food cravings and aversions have been ever changing. First it was bread and all I could get of it, then it moved on to potatoes. Cereal has been a staple as well as fruit, yogurt, and sour candy. However the rest of my diet varies day to day. I will crave something one day and the next cannot even look at it. I know this is challenging on my family but it is on me as well. Most days, NOTHING sounds good yet if I don't eat something small every few hours........well, then, things can get "pukelicious."

There was no stopping that on Wednesday, Joey and I caught the 24hour flu bug!!! Oh my! It was awful! Not a moment of relief and throwing up all day! Praise the Lord it was gone as soon as it came! We are now feeling much better but of course our muscles are recovering! Ouch!

So.........this leads me to the miscommunication........I have been praying for an UNeventful pregnancy, not eventful! UUgh! Hopefully from here on out it will be UNeventful. I am just teasing anyway, I know God listens to our hearts and there is no miscommunication in prayer. It can be hard to understand sometimes when we pray for one thing and end up with another. We must always trust that God's hand is upon us and he will carry us through whatever we face and whatever was meant to harm us, he will turn to good.

Today is my "Nurse Education" appointment so I am looking forward to that. My first OB appointment is February 4th. I am looking forward to that as well. It is weird to be just having my first appointments after all the drama, Dr. calls, and ultrasounds we've already experienced this pregnancy. Ready to get this ball rolling! :)

:)

After the ER on Friday and Sunday, I saw the hematologist Monday (he was great and switched my medication to "baby safe" blood thinners, Tuesday had another ultrasound (saw a gestational sac! good improvement but still no baby), Wednesday met with a Surgeon (my gallbladder pain is gone. Gotta follow a lowfat diet and going to try to wait until after the pregnancy to operate.) All good news!

Then Christmas and all it's joy, craziness, and wonder! Thank you Lord for the birth of your son! Thank you for our Savior! And thank you for this precious gift you have placed inside of me!

Which brings us to today......12/27/10........another ultrasound. Well, today's ultrasound showed an embryo! My lil' baby WITH a heartbeat! The heartbeat is so important to me as we did not see that last year when I miscarried. Praise the Lord! A healthy baby on the way! I am 6 wk 4days and am due on 8/18! :) Baby's heart rate is 114. :)

I will continue to update as I have info but so far things are looking good! Keep on praying if you think of us! We are just praising God for his faithfulness and favor. :)

Then my email from Sunday.............

Thank you so much for praying and supporting me through...well, EVERYTHING! So I went back to the ER today and waited FOREVER (5 hours!) but finally got some result!

So, bad news first. My lil' troublesome gallstone is still blocking the gallbladder "neck" and I am still in a decent amount of pain. Since it is not moving, I am most likely going to have to have it out. Good news is the surgery isn't bad just slightly risky with my blood thinners and of course pregnancy. I will be calling a surgeon in the morning (they have already contacted him) and we will figure this all out with my OB & my new hemotologist whom I will meet tomorrow. Praying that tomorrow I will also switch to "baby safe" blood thinners.

The GREAT news is........my HCG (baby hormone) has almost doubled so we are on track for a healthy pregnancy. I am assuming I will have a new ultrasound in the next week or so to find out how far along I am!!!

Thank you again for all your prayers! If my family crosses your mind, please continue to pray for the health of this sweet baby we've longed for and of course my upcoming surgery.

Love,
Erin

Gallbladder?

This is a copy of my email to family and friends the Saturday before Christmas...........

Please join me in prayer. I don't normally do this and didn't want to facebook details but I would just like to ask you to join me in prayer. I am praying for and believing for a miracle. Would you pray with me over the next couple days???

First of all......I found out this week that....I'm pregnant! :) This is something we have desired for a VERY long time. Had my first pregnancy last year that ended in miscarriage. I am so thankful for this pregnancy. And now for the drama.....

The night before last when I got home from dinner with friends, I started having really bad pain in my upper right quad of my abdomen. I felt really full (which I haven't felt in a long time), very tight, and pain. It just got worse and worse. It went on through the night and I was writhing in pain and shouting and kept both Joey and I up the entire night. There was NO relief. And I was vomitting constantly. I did not want to go in for a few reasons....
1. the kids were sleeping, didn't want to wake them, call someone to watch them, etc...
2. I've heard gas pain can be excruciating and was hoping that was it and it would pass.
3. I am in between insurance although my "first steps" from State is approved I just need to get proof of preganancy in but it is retroactive.

Anyway at 8am we finally called my mom and she came down and watched the kids and advised us to go in, called my doctor and she too said to get right in. We went to the ER and they did lots of tests and ultrasounds. They gave me pain medications and I immediately felt better and the severe pain has not returned.

They think it was a gallbladder attack because I have a few small/average size stones and one is in the neck of the gallbladder blocking which would cause it to not work properly. They can be moved around so he tried but couldn't. It must have moved now though cause I am not in that kind of pain anymore.

Anyway while I was there they tested my pregnancy level (5500) and did an ultrasound. They couldn't see the baby, a sac, or anything so they are not ruling out an ectopic pregnancy.

Before I left, a partner of my doctor called and said normally in this case because the numbers are so high and there is no baby they would consider this an ectopic and prescribe a pill to get rid of it because ectopic can be life threatening. But...........because she knows this is a highly desired pregnancy she said she will wait and wants me to come back into the ER tomorrow (Sunday) to test levels and ultrasound again. Numbers should double and baby should be seen. If not, she wants me to take the pill.

I of course am really not comfortable taking it because I believe in the God of miracles. I want them to FIND the ectopic before I take the pill. I really don't feel like it is ectopic since they did an ultrasound of my upper abdomen, my uterous, and my ovaries. She thinks one of the cysts on my ovaries could be it, but I had her pull up my records from 2007 which showed I already had those cysts.

She said in RARE cases she has seen either a very small baby embedded very closely with high numbers or twins that are showing a higher number but that are still too tiny to see.

So.........I am asking for prayer specifically for today and tomorrow that my numbers would double and the baby/babies would be seen!

As for the gall bladder, I do not have to have it out right now especially since I am pregnant and take coumadin but will probably in the future. I need to be careful what I eat to avoid attacks. Who knew? I didn't even know I had a gall bladder issue except some stones that have never bothered me.

Oh, and just praying that the insurance things goes well even if I lost the baby (it is a pregnancy based insurance) and that my meeting with the hemotoligist getting my medicine transferred to something safe for the baby.

Pregnant!

On the night of December 12th, I took a routine pregnancy test. I say routine because I currently take blood thinners which are not safe for a baby so I need to check quite often to make sure I am not pregnant. We have also been struggling with infertility for quite a few years. To read back on that, you can look all the way back to post #1 on this blog.

Back to Dec. 12th, the night before my daughter's birthday I found out......I'm pregnant! I was shocked! I immediately showed Joey and we both felt happy, blessed, scared, and stressed. The next day I began telling family and asking for prayer. I called my doctor in attempt to switch my medications. Last year at this exact same time, I found out I was pregnant (my first), sadly as quickly as it came, it was gone and that pregnancy ended in miscarriage. This was reason #2 for fear.

Well, the week was going fine and then Thursday night.........panic!

Finally.........Inspiration!

Here I am FINALLY writing. I decided that I will use this blog to update on our long awaited miracle of a pregnancy! Lots of stuff happened over the last couple weeks so here we go........