Saturday, August 06, 2011

Who am I?

"Who am I, Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?"
2 Samuel 7: 18

I feel so blessed. I often find myself speaking those same words uttered from the mouth of King David so many years ago. I stand in amazement of all the joy and miracles God has allowed me to experience in this life. Three of which are my children. All three have been gifts, miracles, but even more than that I can see His hand move with precision like a great chess play as He placed each one in our family. I am so excited that each of my children can proudly proclaim "I am a miracle!" and each will have a great story of truth to share.

I started the blog at the beginning of the first miracle. The night the Holy Spirit intervened in my life in a way I had yet to experience. Over four years ago as I sat at the computer, on the verge of 10 years of marriage, desperately wanting children but trying to accept the fact that I had none, I searched online for a spectacular vacation Joey and I could take to celebrate our marriage milestone. Within minutes, I discovered God not only had different plans for my evening but for my life.

Having never researched or considered an international adoption.......I found my fingers typing it in, and then specifically Russia. Now Joey and I had considered maybe someday adopting after we had children of our own. "Someday" and from the good old US of A. But RUSSIA? And NOW? NEVER. In fact I had always been kind of scared of Russia if I am going to honest and never had a desire to travel there. (I think it might have to do with some of the wars and armies and threats I had learned about in school.)

This story would not be complete without me also mentioning that Joey and I were actually pursuing the VERY beginning of fertility treatments & testing at the time. Because of my trouble switching blood thinners (I will take for life) that I need to prevent clotting (a disorder I have had since the age of 14) we decided to take a little break. This is the time God chose to bring the dream.

Back to the story (the short version actually) ... so I typed in "Russian adoption" and all of a sudden began sobbing as my body began to shake and shiver. I felt the Holy Spirit fall upon me and all through me in the most powerful way and immediately I felt "pregnant." I knew I wasn't physically but I experienced every emotion and thought my physically pregnant friends had ever described. And I knew "beyond a shadow of a doubt" that this WAS HAPPENING. I knew that all was already being orchestrated before I even made a move. All I knew was at this time and this heart said yes. God's ways are perfect by the way. When I could compose myself, I called Joey upstairs to talk, and without a second of hesitation he was on board!

Long story made extremely short........9 months exactly to that evening.......our adoption was final. Amazing. As time moved on I just had a hunch it would land on that day....God is so good and clever like that. What took place during that nine months you can read about WAY back in this blog....lots of paperwork, money we didn't have, time, frustration, roller coaster of emotions, the kindness of friends and family, LOTS of travel and long lengths of stays in Russia. The conclusion.....we came home to America as a relieved family of four on 7/7/07 a day I will never forget.

I love reminding Jones and Mollie of their story. Of how much God loves them. Of how He watched over them and how his plan was for them to be in THIS very specific family. Of how without Him, we would have never found them. We would have never even known of their existence. And now that they are here in our could we have ever lived without them?

This leads us to the present time. Although I continued to pray and cry out to God asking him to expand our family and to experience pregnancy and childbirth I began to wonder. After three more years of "trying" but "not trying" and feeling as though maybe God saw our family complete and maybe having a biological child wasn't a part of His plan.....we became pregnant for the first time in thirteen years. We were almost in disbelief, so amazed but couldn't believe it was happening. But just surprising as that little life came, it was gone. My heart did not know how to feel. What? Was? That? About? In the end I chose to accept that sweet little life as two things....number one: hope, it is possible that our two bodies can create life, number two: I asked for a child, I now have a child, safe in heaven being raised by the best Father of all. And with that..........came PEACE.

One more year passed and now two 33rd birthdays and a 13th year anniversary and then just before Christmas (the same time as the year before....) PREGNANT! Again! I can't say that there wasn't fear in the beginning especially having experienced the previous year and loss of our sweet child we decided to name "Zayin Raye." At the same time however there was excitement, confidence, and peace! There have been MANY odds to fight in this pregnancy (you can read the previous blog posts) but through it all, faith and healing have prevailed! And now two 34th birthdays, a 14th year anniversary, 9 healthy pregnant months, with a 5 1/2-year-old and "almost" 9-year-old in tow, we are just days from bringing our third little miracle with a story into our family! Nola Grace will also have a foundation of faith and a story of truth not only of how her siblings came to be in this family but how she herself was placed here as an answer to her Mommy's prayers in God's perfect timing.

We are so blessed which is why I will forever say "Who am I, Sovereign Lord, and who is my family that you have brought me this far?"