Feelings

So now we are home. My mind has been swirling about me. So many thoughts, so many fears. It has just made me ill. I don't know what I am so worried about. I am soooooooo excited to see our children and bring them home but at the same time I am not looking forward to the long trip. It was really hard. I get really homesick. I also sort of developed a fear for flying. Anyway, I have just been feeling so odd and not at home yet. I think maybe it is because it is a time of transition and our lives are forever changed, in a good way, but none the less - changed. And of course the flying. These feeling have been tormenting me. I love the people of Russia, I love all people but the whole experience and culture and language shock was difficult. I discovered I am not a world traveler. I kept praying and praying against all my fears and nervousness and I knew God was with us even here once we were home and he was answering prayers and keeping us safe and helping with the bonding but still I could not shake it. I am happy to say that finally today I am free! I feel confidant moving forward, I feel strengthened to face the challenges of the future and the travels. I feel so much better. I spent a lot of time waiting on the Lord this morning and it was wonderful. He has given me peace. I debated whether or not to write this blog and I decided to do it and be honest. So many are walking this journey with us and I am so grateful for the the support, prayer,and finances! I felt I owed it to everyone to be completely transparent in the journey during hard times and great times. To sum it up- now it's all good.

Feelings

St. Petersburg

Our last couple days were spent with our tour guide Alex (female) and driver Igor. They were very kind. In St. Petersburg there is so much history and sooooooooooo many museums that to be a tour guide you need a license. She worked very hard to get hers and she said she is lucky to be employed because many do not find jobs before their license expires. She knew so much knowledge and imparted so much history on us. We visited Pushkin, Pavlosk's Palace, Catherine the Great's Palace, The Cathedral of Nicholos the II, St. Isaac's Cathedral, The Hermitage Museum, President Putin's favorite restaurant, The Church on Spilled Blood, The place where Rasputin was killed, and many more. We learned about all the leaders of Russia and their families- Peter the Great, Paul, Alexander, Catherine the Great, Elizabeth, etc. We viewed the Amber Room, Palaces, original works by Leonardo Da Vinci, Raphael, Michaelangelo, Matisse, Picasso, etc. It was pretty incredible and overwhelming. We also learned about the seige on Lenigrad (then changed to St. Petersburg) during WWII which was extremely sad. We ate at some good restaurants and enjoyed our comfortable hotel. It was really hot in the hotel though. Alex said they were flattering their guest by having the heat on. Well,I felt trapped- you couldn't open the window and no heat control in the room! Aah! But it ended up being fine. It is much colder in St. Petersburg and Moscow than Kaliningrad. Kaliningrad was kind of like home but it actually snowed in St. Petersburg the day we left. Our airport experiences were much better on the way home. Everything went smoothly- Kaliningrad to St. Petersburg to Moscow to Los Angeles to Portland. 17 hours flight time! 24 hours in travel! I felt like I was still flying, my body trying to balance, the entire day after arriving home.

Decisions

Before we left we were asked to make the decision whether to adopt the children or not. Of course we said yes! We signed the paperwork and stated our decision to the Ministry of Education and the Court. We were then given a court date of June 15th. Wow- that was quick! We will be traveling (most likely a different route this time) on June 9th. We will spend three weeks in an apartment in Kaliningrad. We must spend 5 days with the kids visiting their orphanges before court, go to court on the 15th, and then spend 10 more days (actually 14 or so because of all the paperwork processing) in Kaliningrad until the court decree is final. We may or may not have the children with us during that time. Most likely we will. Then we travel to Moscow for two days to finalize everything and obtain their visas at the Embassy and then we will return home July 3rd- just in time for Independance Day! By the way- The day after the 10th day- the court decree is final is exactly 9 months to the day that they were conceived in my heart. God is a God of meaning and confirmation and planning isn't He? We also were given the option to change their birth date and place of birth. We have declined. We had to write down their new given names so the court documents could be prepared. We decided on Jones Ellis Jones because it is totally unique and close to Joey's name and Ellis which means "The Lord is M God." For Masha we have chosen Mollie Joy. Mollie stems from Mary & Maria along the same lines as Masha and it means "wished for" and Joy because of the joy that she brings, J=Jesus first, O=Others second, Y=Yourself last, and also similarity to Joey's name as she is proving herself to be Daddy's girl.

Our Children

Tuesday morning Tatiana and her father picked us up at our hotel. We first had another appointment with the Ministry of Education and then they took us to the baby home. We met with the in-house physician as well as the director of the orphanage. As they were talking to us and telling us about Marya (pronounced Masha) they just brought her in and sat her right on Joey's lap. She looked nothing like her picture but still very cute and was much smaller than I expected so at first it was shocking. She didn't cry, she just sat there a little tense and shy but very calm. After just a few minutes she started opening up and smiling like a little flower. They tried to continue the meeting but it was very hard as we were more entertained by her so our listening skills were not at their best. We then went outside and played with her for about an hour. It was really amazing. I just couldn't get over how much she looks like Joey. The staff said to him "You must have been in Russia before!" Ha ha! They also kept saying "You can't take her, we love her, she's our favorite." We quickly learned why. She is very easy going and cheerful. She has a very pleasant disposition. We quickly learned that she does also have a very persitant spirit as well. All she wanted to do was get on the ground but we were not allowed to set her down in the grass because they said it was too cold and dirty but she tried all kinds of tricks like dropping her toys just to get closer to the grass. It was a little ackward because here we are entertaining this beautiful one-year-old trying to soak it all in while being observed in this unkept yard with only the toys we brought and a couple stumps to sit on. We were used to it by the end of the week but it was odd at first. Then it was time to leave.

After our afternoon break they picked us up again and we went to the older orphanage to meet Vadim (more commonly referred to as Vadick such as Joey is to Joseph.) We spoke with his teach for quite some time and then the director and doctor. Both children are extremely healthy although Masha did have a cold and passed it to Vadick. His teacher explained that he is very outgoing and likes to be the center of attention. She said he is very smart and likes to explain everything. They say he is the last one sitting at the table at every meal because he likes to talk about everything. They say he adapted very quickly to the orphanage. The plan was to bring him in with a friend, get aquainted, and then they would ask him if he would like to come back again, and eventually tell him about the adoption. They brought him in and my first thought was that he was so cute and sooooooo small. Of course they brought him in with a stocky 7-year-old friend who we were also quite taken by however Vadick is very small. We talked for awhile although we couldn't talk much directly to the kids except through Tatiana because of the language barrier but we did give them goldfish crackers and Hot Wheels cars which they liked very much. Afterward they asked him if he would like to visit again and go see his sister tomorrow. He said yes. He left the room and then we were bombarded with questions. They obviously really care where he is going which made us feel very good. We showed them the picture book of our home and family and they were very pleased after that.

That night we went to a little restaurant called 12 Chairs. It was really cool, cave like, and romantic although after awhile it felt a little claustrophobic especially with all the smoking (it would never pass code in the USA.) It was located below a theatre in a beautiful old building. We had a hard time communicating of course but the menu did have everything in English so we received what we ordered. I was not feeling well so I just had a vegetable soup covered with a blanket of dill and Joey had a Mexican chicken. That was something I read in a travelers book- in Russia they do not use a lot of spices so to us everything seemed a bit bland but they do LOVE dill and it is on everything! I found this to be quite true in most cases.

On Wednesday we went and picked up Vadick and drove to the orphanage to see Masha. It was so neat to see them together. He just observed her and his eyes were just smiling at her. He started to get more used to us too and smiled up at me as I rubbed his back (caught it on video!) I asked Tatiana to ask him what he thought of Masha and he said he thought she would be bigger by now and able to play more. He liked her though. It's funny, I thought he might imagine her smaller because the last time they were together she was only 2 months old. Anyway- it is such a pleasure to be used of God to reunite the two. We were in a small room and it was pretty loud because there was another family there. They are from Tennessee. It was refreshing to communicate. They were on their second trip waiting for court so they could take their little girl home. We ended up seeing them and talking with them during every morning and afternoon visit which made things much more tolerable. They had so much good advice for us as this is their second time through the process. They had adopted their son (who was so cute and was with them- southern drawl and all) a couple years prior. You would never even know he was adopted. He fit so well into their family. At 12:00 we had to end our visit because the orphanages never deviate from their schedules and the kids have lunch at 12 and nap from 1-3pm. We had another similar visit in the afternoon from 3-5pm. This time we played outside. Vadick didn't want to do much- just observe. Joey let Masha hold a stick and Vad kept repeating something in Russian and finally Tatiana said that he was saying " Be careful with that stick, she could get hurt." So sweet, melted our hearts. He then proceeded to remove every stick from the play yard. He did enjoy the bubbles we brought a lot though, they were a big hit!

On Thursday Vadick's orphanage would not let him leave because he had a temperature (caught from Masha.) He was also separated from his group but he was okay with that. We just played on his playground and brought out more toys which he was very happy about. More cars, balls, sidewalk chalk, etc. We really had to entice him to play. He just wanted to observe which I totally understand. He also was very protective of the toys we had given him. Joey played ball with him for awhile and then I sat on the bench with him and we worked on communicating with the little Russian I have studied and learned. We also went though a baby book with pictures and I asked him "What is that?" in Russian and he would tell me and I would repeat it. I think we will be using this technique a lot in the beginning. It was definately a bonding moment. I did get him to say one English word, shoe. At the end of our visit Tatiana asked him if he would like to live in a place with all of his own new toys to which he said "I have lots of toys." Then she asked him if he would like to live in a family forever with his sister and if he liked us. He was rocking with his head down, on his feet, but in sort of a fetal position (because he was playing with his cars on the ground) and he contemplated it and said "yes." We were so happy. At this point he did not want anything to do with the picture book we had brought nor did he want his picture taken. I had to sneak around to get pictures of him. It was kind of a good thing that we didn't go to the other orphanage because the time alone with him was very defining for our family and neccessary for our bonding. He is very fluent in his language and would hold long conversations with Tatiana so it was hard for us at times especially as I kept thinking of the challenges that lay ahead and I long for him to continue speaking and not feel like he has to be mute just because we can't understand. His voice is so pleasant, and quiet, and raspy. That afternoon we visited Masha and tried to play outside again. She was so hot. They bundle them up so much with sweaters and heavy jackets and hats even though it is like 70 degrees out. All we wanted to do was get all those clothes off her but we followed the rules.

Friday was our last day. Also during the week we had many more appointments such as the Ministry of Education, Court and the Chief of Staff at the Children's Hospital.

We picked up Vadick and had a nice morning visit at the baby home and then took him back to his orphanage and we were able to go inside for a quick second and see the little room he was staying in with another sick child. They had two twin beds that looked cozy and a little table with all the toys he had collected from us throughout the week. Oh I forgot to mention he is really good at sharing his food. Tatiana tried to get him to take off his socks and shoes so we could trace his foot and know what size shoe to buy him but he refused even after bribing him with yet another car and threatening to get his caregiver. He really didn't want to so the caregiver brought us a shoe that fits him well to trace. But then surprisingly he tried on the shirt and pants we brought him in exchange for a car. The shirt a 4T fit well but the pants 4T as well were way too big. I don't know how much shopping we will do before hand because it was hard to tell plus some brands are different. I will probably buy him a couple 3T's and mostly 4. He finally took an interest in the book of our home and family and I got to go through it with him in his language explaining that it is his new home, grandma, grandpa, etc. He seemed excited although he may have been showing off for his friend. I had Tatiana tell him that we loved him and would come back for him in 7 weeks and that we don't speak Russian but we are trying and we hope he will try English also. I gave him a hug and we left. It was difficult to leave but not quite as hard as I expected because I do know that he is happy there and they do take good care of him.

We drove to the baby home for our last visit with Masha. She was happy as usual. We asked to stay inside and surprisingly it was the first time we were alone. Just Joey, Masha, and myself. We played with her and took lots of video. We walked her around the room and tried on the clothes I brought for her. They were too big as well. I think she is probably 12 months clothing but I will probably buy her 18-24 so she has room to grow. She has little feet too. We had a very nice bonding time and I undressed her feet which was fun. She had on shoes, socks and tights wadded up in the socks. I showed her belly to her and she liked that. I raspberried her tummy and I think she thought I was nuts but she did smile when I tickled her. We went through the picture book with her also and she looked intently at it. We left one for each of them along with all they toys, clothes, and snacks. It was a nice visit. She likes to laugh. Then it was time to go. Tatiana said if we were sneaky, we could take her back to her group. We weren't supposed to go in because it is under construction (but her area wasn't.) Tatiana said next trip we will get to spend more time in the orphanages and also with the caregivers. We went upstairs and saw her groups quarters. It was very nice. They had a nice toy room, a room with all the beds and a couple play pens with no toys, a little kitchen with tables and chairs, and a potty room. I think it was potty training time so two at a time the children sit on their own potty chair until they go. The rest of the children wait in the boring play pens. We sat her in her chair and took a picture and then I was told I could set her in her crib and take her picture. I sat her down and she started crying hysterically and threw herself down on her blankets. We had not seen this side of her. It clarified two things to me- #1 We have some major challenges ahead, and #2 my heart broke- obviously she does not enjoy that crib which makes me wonder how much time she spends there. I picked her up immediately and she clung to me digging her nails into my skin. It was so good to hold her and so devestating to see her like this. A few minutes later she was playing with the toys we brought in a play pen. We said good bye. It was a little harder because of the meltdown situation. I was crying quietly. We learned that there is one caregiver to 10 children in Vadick's orphange and one to 15 in Masha's. All of the baby's except Masha had their head shaved. Please pray that they don't cut it. It is beautiful and I would like to continue to let it grow.

Overall meeting our children was an amazing experience. We cannot wait to get them home in the USA and in our home.

Safe & Sound!

Wow, where do I begin? What an experience. We left on April 20th headed to Russia to meet our children for the first time. If I am going to be completely transparent I will tell you that the first half of the trip was extremely trying and difficult and the second half was wonderful. The Lord saw us through it all and answered all of our prayers. We met our children which has forever changed us in the best way possible and our home now does not feel home without them.

The first plane rides were very difficult. I don't know what is wrong with me but in the last few years I have developed quite a little fear of flying. I prayed and breathed my way through the beginning of each flight as my heart pounded rapidly through my chest. I continued to ask myself and anyone that was nearby, "What is my problem?!" Never did I figure it out but regardless the Lord provided us with safe flights. We took off from Portland and flew to Los Angeles and then Los Angeles to Moscow. This is where the problems arose. NO ONE spoke english but acted like they did. There was a customs and passport control line that we were told to stand in. We stood for almost an hour knowing we would probably miss our flight which was set to take off two hours within our landing in Moscow. When we arrived at the front of the line, the lady seemed annoyed with us and told us to go to baggage. We didn't need to be in that line! At this point we were looking for a guy- Alex with our names on a sign. There were others with signs but not ours. We waited and collected our baggage and then began to panic. When I finally saw Joey get to that point then I really started freaking out. I just wanted to use a phone! We couldn't read the signs, no one spoke english and we didn't know our way out! Finally I saw the line to claim what you are bringing into the country, we were told there that we could just go through because we were not bringing in over $10,000. Whew. We walked out and there was our sign. It was not Alex but Pasha. Pasha said "What happened?" He had been waiting over two hours. I tried to explain the situation but we had to hurry to catch our back-up flight to St. Petersburg after missing our first flight. The domestic terminal is in a different location so we drove there and ran in literally running, injuries obtained. They wouldn't accept us, they said check-in was closed. Then they made an exception and sent us running upstairs without Pasha (couldn't go past security) and when we went upstairs they said "No, go downstairs" in broken english. There was no use explaining. The communication was not working. We missed the flight. Pasha then toted us all around the airport to different counters to figure out what to do. we could either buy $600 tickets to leave that night on another airline or stay the night in Moscow and fly for no additional cost. Well, we felt $600 was way too much and we didn't feel we could bear another flight after flying for 15 hours. Pasha booked our new morning flight and we ended up receiving a free hotel stay at the Holiday Inn in Moscow because our flight had been delayed about 10 minutes or so coming in! Thank you Jesus! Pasha took us to the hotel and we had a late night dinner that we were told was free but was not. Oh, well. The room was free. Then the melt down occured. I was so disturbed. I really need to calm down. I'm trying. Actually just talking about it is helping. Anyway that night I was shaking and crying and soooooo homesick. I thought, if something happened to us, no one would no where we are. We are not on our schedule. I just wanted to touch base with home. (I didn't realize that I actually had severe underlying anxiety about meeting our children that would disappear once we met.) I tried to call home but I did not have the country code which I though might be 1 but Russia is 077 or something so I didn't think 1 could possibly be it. I called the front desk and asked and they said "We don't know, it's your country." The next morning Pasha picked us up and we took off to St. Petersburg. When we arrived Alex (female) & Igor picked us up. They were right there which was a huge relief. We had a few hours before our flight to Kaliningrad so she took us to the hotel that we were supposed to be at the night before to rest for a few hours because we had to pay for it anyway because we didn't cancel in time. This was fine with us, we felt like we were in heaven. We plugged in the laptop and emailed home and it was a very comfortable room and large hotel. They picked us up a few hours later and we hopped our flight to Kaliningrad.

Our flight arrived early but Tatiana (our AAI contact) and her father Alexander arrived shortly. It was a very small airport with military looking men allowing us off the plane into the airport. Tatiana introduced herself and we drove to the hotel. On the way, we saw this park full of families, and trees, and ponies with pink hair. It was crazy, very idyllic, like a fantasy. It was a children's park. The city of Kaliningrad is much larger than I expected. She took us to the Hotel Chaika which has 24 rooms. It was fairly simple but in a nice neighborhood and very clean. She left us and let us know she would pick us up in the morning to visit the Department of Education. Since no agencies are accredited in Russia we have to attend every meeting and complete our adoption independantly (with AAI by our side assisting us at every turn.) She showed us a couple stores and restaurants with English speaking menus within walking distance and then left us to settle in. We were celebrating. No more flying for 5 days!!! We get to meet our children!!!

On Tuesday we met with the Ministry of Education and told him what we were looking for. He had them check the files and of course they brought in the files on our children. Mollie (Masha/Marya) looked totally different. I questioned whether it was the same child. He gave us some background information on their family and circumstances and we agreed to meet them. He said he would have approval in the morning. We went back to the hotel for the rest of the day. I was sick all these days. A little physically but mostly mentally. Again I repeat- I don't know what was wrong with me. Maybe part jet lag and part nerves. Wow, I was a mess. I think we walked to a restaurant that day called 12 Chairs. It was really cool down below an old theatre. After awhile it got a little claustrophobic. It would never pass code in the USA but it was good food and a good experience none the less. I forgot to mention that the first night in Kaliningrad Tatiana ordered us pizza to our room. We ordered half canadian bacon with pineapples and it also came with bananas- ewhh! We also found out that none of the converters we brought worked so again we were disconnected from the world and all our modern conveniences we brought (computer, DVD's, hot pot, hair straightener, etc.) would be of no use.

In the afternoon Tatiana took us to meet our children. (This is a picture of our hotel and our pizza.)

We're off!

We are leaving for Russia tomorrow. It has been quite a circus to get to this point which is why I have not blogged lately. We are waiting for our passports and visas to come tomorrow morning before we leave. Talk about Stress! But talk even more about FAITH! It is all coming together. I will write more about our experience with travel arrangements later. Right now, I gotta go! I can't believe we will actually be in the presence of our little ones in just a couple days!

A Boy & A Girl!

Well, God has doubled our blessing. We received two new referrals on Tuesday! We only received their pictures, names, and ages. Today we received more info but still not much medical. We will not know anything more until we travel. It is really a miracle the way it came about though especially the swiftness. Thank you so much for your prayers- God is listening and honoring them.

Our consultant informed us that the Dept of Child Care in Russia asked them if they had families for three sets of siblings. They said yes. This is how it came about. These children are not from Ark where we are registered (please pray that this will not cause additional trouble or time delays as you can remember we had to be registered before AAI's accreditation was up, it is now.) They are from Kaliningrad so I am not sure how this will work. As far as I have heard there have not been adoptions out of there (international) since possibly even 2002. But God knows how to work it doesn't he. He had children specifically chosen for us and he found a way to make it happen anyway! Again please pray for ease of process from here on out.

Vadim will be 5-years-old in August. He has light brown hair and brown/hazel eyes. He seems shy, he is not looking at the camera. We are told he is open hearted and kind. He likes to play with cars. He knows he has a sister (Maria) and he remembers her(they are at different orphanages.) The only medical issues it listed was enlarged tonsils, flat foot, and developmental delays from being institutionalized (they all do.)

Maria is 15 months. She was born in Dec. of 2005 (one month younger than my niece- how cute!) She also has light brown hair and brown/hazel eyes. She has a sparkle in her eyes and a gigantic smile. We are told she is kind and is most loved in her group ( I don't know if they mean by caregivers or peers but we did pray that they would be a favorite and well cared for.) She likes to play with her peers. They said the developmental delay she has is speech and that she can only speak in small phrases (What? Most of the children I know this age speak one word at a time so I can't believe they consider phrases a delay.) She can dress and feed herself and is potty trained. They don't think she remembers her brother. I bet she will feel it though.

We are so excited and cannot wait to meet our children face to face. We are beginning to set up their rooms and imaging them in our home. We know this is going to be a HUGE challenge especially at first especially with the language barrier. We are studying harder than ever.

Thank you so much for walking with us on this amazing journey. We could best use prayer in the areas of wisdom (is this right), safety (in travel and our hearts-Please let this one stick Lord), finances (two is more than one), patience (can't wait to see their faces in person), memory (for the Russian language), and endurance (to make it through no matter what the challenge.)

Heartbreak

Just a quick update. I just found out that Christina is being adopted by a Russian family. I don't know what to feel right now. I am kind of in shock, heartbroken, and numb. I know God has a plan and has this designed already and I am at peace with that. It is just hard to understand why we would be allowed to fall in love with her already so I am just trying to wrap my mind around that. We will always pray for her and her life regardless. So we will now go back to the waiting stage. I am just praying that our loss of Christina does not hold us back from falling in love with a new child or two. I am happy that Christina has a family that wants her and happy that now more children can be adopted but at the same time I grieve a daughter which was loaned to us for such a short time. We just bought her bedroom furniture yesterday so I think we might wait on stuff like that next time.

A Little Girl!

So finally we have some exciting news! We are going to have a little girl! We received the call and email yesterday that a referral was ready for us. She is adorable. Her name is Christina and she is 29 months old. She weighs aprox 24 lbs and is 31 inches tall. She has big blue eyes and chubby cheeks. She did not go to the orphanage until she was 18 months old. She is her birth mom's only child. Her birth mom is 28 years old and no father is unknown. I don't know why she brought Christina to the orphanage but most likely poverty could be the reason. I know the greater reason... Christina was created to be our daughter! Christina can understand picture books and answers simple questions and can say simple words. She knows her shapes and is at her appropriate skill level for her age. She can walk, run, eat, and poop well we are told. We are so excited to meet her. What a blessing. I wasn't even imaging a little girl because I was told more boys are available. This is a dream come true. She has a beautiful pink, black, and white room waiting for her and the funny thing is last week I just bought bedding for that room. Turns out she is not in the home that I posted earlier but she is in the Kotlas area of Arkangelsk. Please be praying for our smooth and safe travel which should be taking place in a week or two for the first visit and be praying for our precious little girl. They are 11 hours ahead. So when we are going to bed we pray for her morning and day and as we wake we pray for her sweet dreams. We are thinking of naming her Mollie Christina. Mollie means "wished for" and Christina (her Russian given name) means "annointed, follower of Christ." Seems fitting, doesn't it? :)

Something to believe in!

Soooooooo............... Yes! Being approved was enough to send our dossier (documents) to Russia and I overnighted signatures yesterday so hopefully they will start translating by the end of the week! Our adoption consultant did give me a hint yesterday though- something to believe in, something real and tangible! She said they are working on registering us in the Arkhangelsk region of Russia. Yeah- I can finally look up info and research! And pictures! There are pictures of all the buildings we will have to visit to finalize everything over there and hotels, etc. But most importantly- a picture of the orphanage. My heart melts just seeing the building where OUR baby/babies may actually be right now. This baby home (as they are called) houses 120 children in the Arkhangelsk region ages 0-4. I posted that picture for your viewing pleasure as well. Things are moving - they really are. Keep praying and hoping with us. Thank you so much for your support and love and fundraising ideas. Our hearts are grateful and excited.

Why does there always have to be a but.........?

So our funding was approved through a program that works with our adoption agency for but............ it will not be "funded" until signatures are collected and AAI asks for the money but..........we are approved! So I emailed Lisa our adoption coordinator to see if that approval is enough to send our packet to Russia by tomorrow's (updated) deadline. (What a gift of Love that would be in time for Valentines.)She said she would check into it. PLEASE PRAY! I am praying and hoping and begging that this be enough. After all the bank does work with the agency on this program and they approved us so it's pretty much guaranteed right? I really really do trust God on this and if it is not meant for now it is not meant for now. This was His plan and I believe that nothing I or anyone else can do will interupt that and I believe it will be blessed. But.........right now I feel like I am in a "choose your own adventure" book- Did I send off the dossier on the right day? Should I not have sent it return receipt? Should I have attempted funding elsewhere? Should I have not applied at all and just waited upon the Lord until tomorrow waiting for a miracle just in the nick of time? I don't know. I have to rest in the decisions we have made and the direction we have taken. Oh, Lord please allow this to be gentle on my heart, whatever the outcome. I trust you and I love you and most of all I thank you.

THANK YOU!

Thank you Anggi & Jason for your prayers, support, and financial gift. We are forever grateful. I know you taking part in a miracle that God is putting together to pull us through this hiccup. May it return ten-fold.

Whew! And Oh No!

So............things are good and things are not so good right now. The good news is we have apostilled (certifying that all our notarized documents are valid) all of the documents required for our dossier (the initial packet to be sent to Russia.) I took it to the post office today and had it overnighted so it should arrive on Monday, one day before the extended deadline. Whew! What a relief! That feels WONDERFUL!

What is not so wonderful is the funds that were supposed to accompany that packet did not so I am not sure if they will process it or not. There is a deadline of 2/13 for everything to be turned in so it can have time to reach Russia and have us registered in a specific region by March 1st. Our agency's accreditation expires that day but history has proven that if we can at least be registered by then, Russia will let us finish our adoption. Our agency is one of 14 left working there which are all expiring. Russia has accepted renewal applications but will not be complete for who knows how long. So the goal was to have everything in so at least we would be in process and not waiting indefinately. All the ways we have of paying for this next group of fees due for that to be processed is not happening. I shouldn't say not happening but delayed. Unfortunately, this deadline does not allow for delays so today we applied for special funding. We will see if it works.

Please stand along side us and pray, pray, pray that some way, some how this comes together by Tuesday. I believe that no matter what stands in our way God will make a way (where there seems to be no way) after all, this was His idea. But if His plan is for us to wait, then we will. So in that case pray for my heart.

Anyway- that is the latest. We are on edge. ????? In the meantime if you have any fundraising ideas that you think could be beneficial for us to raise the rest of our funds that we will need for placement fees, travel, orphanage donations, etc. please let me know. I also just earned my Real Estate License so if anyone needs me for advice or to assist in buying or selling a home. I am here- motivated, trustworthy, & hard working. Thanks for listening. It could be getting exciting soon!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Erin

Someday

This is a song by Larue called Someday that I think was originally written about praying and waiting for your mate but I find it encouraging and comforting as I wait for my child or children.

I don't know if you're near of far away
But I know that I'm thinking of you today
I don't know if I even know your name
But I know that I'm praying for you just the same

Someday we'll fall in love
You'll be mine and I will be yours
Our hearts will be one
And our love will ever endure

Then I'll need you, and I'll want you
And I'll find you someday
Then I'll love you, then I'll hold you
And I'll be with you always

Our love will be so strong and pure
You will make me feel like I have never felt before
You will be perfect only for me
You will make these eyes begin to see

Someday we'll fall in love
You'll be mine and I will be yours
Our hearts will be one
And our love will ever endure

Your faith for the Lord will be strong
Even though the wait is long
And though I'm young I still believe
That you're out there praying for me

Long time.........No blog.

I am so sorry it has taken me so long to blog. This is for my Aunt Lisa. Thanks for reminding me! At this stage very little excitement happens so there isn't much for me to write. Since I last blogged we have met our adoption consultant over the phone. Her name is Lisa and she lives in Michigan (I think) where our agency is located but she has lived in Washington before which I thought was a neat arrangement because most of their adoption applicants are from Michigan but we are not so it was nice to talk to someone familiar with the area. So far she has been incredibly helpful and follows-up very well which I appreciate. We have been waiting for our home study to be completed so we can continue along and we just received the draft so we should receive the final copy soon. That means progress! We just have one more document needed for our initial packet and then we can have it apostilled (certified) in Olympia and sent to Russia for review. We will need to pay our balance due to make it happen so we are working that out. When that is done I will really be feeling great knowing that things are really moving. So I will let you know as soon as that happens. Most of the documents weren't too hard to obtain but some were very difficult like my medial documents. My new doctor just wasn't listening to my directions and examples and I had to go back four times! The last time I broke down. The lady at the desk calmed me down and got it completed immediately. THank goodness! Now we are on to our second set of docs which will be supporting documents to the initial packet. I will post a picture soon of all the documents. You will be amazed. It is just crazy, but I guess necessary.

In the other areas of our lives we are doing well. Joey is working on getting his new business Sovereign Cycles up and running and I have a career change headed my way. As of Feb. 1st I will be a full-time real estate agent and no longer working in the office. This is very exciting and very scary also. Financially terrifying! However, I am very confident in my abilities and God's plan so I am at peace in trusting Him. I am finally starting to catch on to His plan I think. I was thankful for this job when I first started working there. It is a wonderful environment and I was able to use all my skills and I have wonderful bosses, but I wasn't quite sure why real estate. I never had any intention of being a realtor. But now I have a large interest in it! It is quite fascinating and I am excited to start serving. Once God placed the adoption on my heart and then real estate I can see how it works. Being a realtor will allow me a flexible schedule that I can work from home so I can be with my child/children. That makes me very happy. Brittany and I are also starting a mini-business for extra income called Heritage Makers.

Other than that we have been extremely busy with the holidays and all of our January birthdays. Joey and I will both be 30 this month! Aah! Can you believe it? We can't!

We are very excited for this year. We have many milestones we will be reaching 30, 10 years of marriage, becoming parents & world travelers! And we have a new nephew Jackson due in March and my baby brother is graduating in June! Talk about excitement!

Well, that is it for now. I hope all of you enjoyed the holidays and are off to a joyful 2007! I will update sooner this next time. I promise.

P.S. Check out the snow we had today! I love SNOW! This pic is part of our initital packet to be sent to Russia.

Busy Work

I am sorry it has been so long since I have updated. Life has sure been busy. We are still hot on the adoption trail working hard everyday to collect all of our documents and such. We had our home study on Nov. 1st. I of course kept busy preparing the house and making sure it was clean, warm, and inviting. Exactly the way I would have it all the time if I had all the time in the world. It turned out to not be as big of a deal as I expected. Mike our social worker showed up right on time which impressed me greatly. We sat at the table with chocolate chip cookies and talked for about 2 hours. He asked us a few questions but mostly he just informed us on the process and what documents we need to get to him so he can complete the report. I turned in quite a bit including our biographies to him but we still have several to pull together. He will in turn create a 6 page report on us to send to the adoption agency which in turn will be sent to Russia and is the most important deciding factor for Russia's acceptance of us. It includes information about us, our family, our environment, our life style, our finances, our health, pictures of us and our home, etc. He said the report will take him about 4-6 weeks depending on how long it takes to get our background checks back and how quickly Joey and I can gather the remaining documents.

As far as the adoption agency goes, we have submitted our formal application and first chunk of money. We ended up borrowing from my parents which I absolutely hate to do but felt we had no choice. I am just so grateful that they are so caring and generous. We will pay them back when our 2nd mortgage refinancing is complete. Now we get to start working on chunk #2. It has been difficult as it is the slow season with Joey's job and sometimes our regular finances are of concern but as usual our incredible God has continued to step in and fill the gap. I have been offered two side jobs and have been given some great fundraising advice and Joey has been able to do a few side jobs as well and has begun the process for his motorcycle building business. He is very excited but stressed as well. And of course there is always those incredible miracles God provides along the way. We received a check yesterday for $74 for an overpayment on our home insurance! What? Here it comes out of the blue! God is so good to his children. We are following what we believe to be His will and we trust that He will guide us each step of the way.
So right now we are just rush, rush, rushing to get things done which should take about 2 more months and then we will have to play the dreaded waiting game. We are doing pretty good emotionally and keeping our excitement up but we also aren't stupid and are trying to be prepared for roller coaster to come. Thank you to all of our family and friends who continually show interest, support, and love for us. We are so thankful. Have a great night and I will post at the next step!

Love, Erin

Adoption Awareness

Well we had our adoption awareness meeting on Tuesday morning. We went in thinking it was an interview for us and then quickly realized it was more informative orientation style. Basically Irina just shared with us the risks in international adoption and how their process works. It was a 2 hour phone call with A LOT of information. It was great because we were able to ask our questions as well. Thank you to everyone who has been asking us about it. We really appreciate your support.

So, it sounds like our next step will be to set-up a home study with a company licensed in Washington. A home study consists of visits to the home, interviews, pictures of us, our family, house, submitting a floor plan, financial records, medical records, etc. Pretty invasive really but neccessary. We are also in the process of filling out our formal application. We are really trying to get it in with our first chunk of money by Oct. 31st so we can take advantage of the discount they are offering on their fees. Irina also gave us a list of paperwork and documents we can start acquiring. We will need 4 original copies each of our marriage license, and many other documents, plus we need to get our passports, fingerprints, police reports, INS papers, etc.
I stepped away from the meeting like, "Wow, we have to get working!" We definately have a lot to accomplish and of course my goal is to do it as quickly as possible and get this moving. Please be praying that all goes smooth with obtaining our paperwork and that there are no mistakes as mistakes that are discovered at a later time could lead to major heartbreaking set-backs. If you also wouldn't mind praying for finances that would be awesome too. This chunk by Oct. 31st will consist of $600 for admin fee, $350 application fee, and $2500 toward adoption costs. We are blessed with this discount though because that $2500 could have been $4000 if we didn't get in on this discount. Anyway, needless to say- it is already a lot of money plus all the forms that we need to order and we don't have it so just pray that we will find a way. I am really excited because I have had two additional job opportunites that were offered to me this week that I will be working on so praise God! He is already answering prayers. We are also looking into grants and re-financing so we will work it out. God has his hand in the matter. Joey is having more of a difficult time with it I think with him being logically minded. I am more of a dreamer walking on faith and air so we balance each other out. I know that there is reality especially with money but if we look at it that way then yes, it is impossible but God put this in our hearts so I know and believe that there HAS to be a way. With Him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

We asked Irina lots of questions about time frames and child preferences etc. The time all depends on the preferences we choose. We are open to either a boy or girl, caucasian, under 2, and any sibling they may have up to age 4. She said that it should move rather quickly then because boys are readily available. After our dossier (all the documents) are sent to Russia to be translated we should receive our referral(a child chosen for us) within about a month and travel plans for the first trip shortly after. The dossier process can take 2-3 months as it also includes the home study but this part is mostly in our control so we are trying to get it done ASAP! I decided to take today and tomorrow off work to really focus on getting the neccessary paperwork ordered and application filled out and such. I also have been so busy that I have really been falling behind on other household and personal goals including my real estate school so I can get my license. We are really conflicted about our preferences because if we say a girl, it will take a long time and we will for sure have a girl. If we say no preference (because we would like to leave it up to God) it feels like we will for sure have a boy because of many more boys being available. So either way we make a choice. Like I said, we don't mind which so I think we will stick with "no preference" and leave it in God's hands.

That's all folks! I wish I had more exciting stuff to share but we are just not at that stage yet. Thank you again so much for your friendship, interest, love, prayer & support.

Love,
Erin

The Promise

Where do I even start? I guess I will start the night of Sept.29th, 2006. I was at the computer about 10pm looking up dreamy European Cruises for ideas of how to celebrate this coming year of 2007 when both Joey and I will turn 30-years-old and we will also arrive at our 10 year anniversary. One of the cruises showed a stop in St. Petersburg, Russia. I am not sure why but the next thing I did was google "Russian Adoption." The next thing I knew I was reading a website called "The Spirit of Adoption" on the America World website. I read a story by the founder of the agency and just began to cry and cry. Now don't get me wrong, for those of you who know me, crying (happy, sad, angry, glad) is not exactly out of the ordinary but what happened next is. All of a sudden I was physically shaking and my teeth were chattering and I just could not stop searching for more and more information. I felt the Spirit of God moving in my heart and I was overwhelmed with joy, relief, anticipation, excitement, fear, and absolutely "pregnant" with faith. I knew I was not physically pregnant but with the feelings I just described I certainly felt "pregnant." I was just flooded with emotion and so grateful to God to placing in me a promise. A promise to fufill the dream of becoming a mother that I have carried since childhood. Finally about 12am I pried my fingers away from the keyboard.

"Joey...Um, we have to talk" I said sheepishly, not having any idea of what his response would be. He came upstairs and I explained to him what had just taken place and the feelings I was experiencing. He said, "Okay, let's do it!" No hesitation from him at all! I was shocked. He said he was ready to adopt and preferred to do it internationally and that he had been thinking of it.
This confirmation sent me over the top and I fell apart in his arms with so much joy and I did not stop talking and dreaming for hours. I wanted to call everyone I knew. But decided just to call two people that I thought might be up- my brother Brandon and sister Brittany. I left both a message. It was and still is so exciting telling everyone and everyone is so excited for us because this is definately an answer to prayer.

As I said before, Joey and I are coming up on 10 years of marriage. My plan was of course to marry young and have children young. Well that wasn't going to work because Joey joined the Navy after we graduated high school and was stationed in Virginia. We were married two years later and I also moved to Virginia for two very challenging years of marriage. It just wasn't a good time to start a family. We were so far away from our family and friends back home, we barely knew anyone, Joey was out to sea constantly and it was just a huge time of adjustment. After his four years were up we moved home a short time and then decided to move to Los Angeles to follow my dreams of acting and singing. Still no children. We were both working full-time (which is why I didn't take the time to go after my dreams until 6 months before we left) and Joey was going to school. We were incredibly busy and the years passed so quickly we didn't really have time to start a family. ( So ironic because that is my strongest dream and hearts desire.) We finally agreed to move home in 2004. I hated not being near my family and by that time I remembered how desperate I was to be a mom. So we moved home and took the necessary steps to get pregnant. I went off my birth control and changed medications because I take blood thinners for a clotting disorder that started when I was 14. I had to change medications from a pill to an injection because the pill could cross the placenta and harm a growing baby. Well, it's been 2 years now come November. We started to seek fertility treatment earlier this year because we still weren't pregnant and I was only having aprox 4 cycles a year. We stopped this spring because we found out when I switched medications that I had been prescribed signifigantly less than my body needed and when I started upping the dose, my never ending cycle returned. I am still working on getting this regulated but it turns out there may not be a fertility problem after all.

So you might be thinking at this point, "So adoption was plan B" but it's quite the contrary. At this point I actually do not want to get pregnant because I would not want to jeopardize this adoption. We have always been open to the idea of adoption whether we have biological children or not but just figured it would be domestically so when God put this on my heart, I knew it was Him because the thought of Russia had never crossed my mind and at this point we were focused on trying to conceive. I am so happy he interrupted our plan! I am so excited to follow his. There is nothing more comforting than knowing you are walking in the will of God. I know His hand will guide us through. There are so many unknowns at this point that I will discuss in a minute but despite all the odds being stacked against us, I believe this adoption will come to pass because He is able to do all things. I see things so clearly now. I was handling infertility alright I guess but on my worst days I would think horrible thoughts like, "It's not fair. What did we do that was so wrong that we cannot have the blessing of children? Why does EVERYONE I know have children with ease? I am trained ( I was a nanny for 3 years and the oldest of 4 children and have taken childhood education classes.) At my age and maturity in life I know what is most important to teach them! I have so much love to give! I have two spare rooms! Why God Why?" And His response would be "Trust me." Well now that He has revealed this to me- it is beyond a shadow of a doubt- PLAN A+! All this time I felt punished when really I now believe I am privleged. God knew that there would be sin and abandonment in the world and he knew he would need parents for the innocent orphans and He chose US! Joey and I! We are so honored! I know that this is already being orchestrated by Him even though we are just beginning. I am dreaming of the day I can look into the face of our child or children that he has handpicked for us. I feel so blessed.

Well, now that you know the backgroud and the promise, I will tell you where the faith comes in. I was so scared to go to bed that night. I didn't know if I would wake up and the feelings I had would be gone or if fear would take over or what. I did feel slightly different (coming down from the high I suppose) but I picked up my Bible and began to read. I received confirmation after confirmation and I knew that what I had experienced was real. Phew! Now we had to choose an agency. I was ready to get started immediately! I was filling out the application for the first site I had stumbled on when reality and reason in the form of my husband stepped in. He reminded me that we should probably do some research.

Through our research we discovered that Russia is having some major changes with their accreditation system and there are now only 14 U.S. agencies legally able to adopt out of Russia. There are about 26 more with their NGO status but I am not sure how that will work. There was over 500 before. Well- this serverely limits our choices. We researched for about a week and half and then mid-last week decided on Adoption Associates which is a well organized Christian Organization with a full staff in the U.S. as well as Russia. We learned of the daunting 6-15 month process of adoption and the cost in upwards of $40,000. We do not know how this will all work out or where all the money will come from but we have faith that it will all come together because what God has started, He will bring to completion. We are very nervous for a many reasons but the largest being that AAI's accrediation expires in March and because all the laws are in Russian government right now and up for change, they are unsure what will be the outcome for renewing. An AAI representative assured us that they are doing everything they can at this time to make sure their is no lapse in accrediation and her Russian staff is pro-actively working to obtain the latest information. A bonus for us is there is a 25% reduction in fees at this time partially due to the fact that because the agencies dropped so signifigantly, there are many children needing families at this time. She informed us that this a perfect time to adopt and they expect the process to move quickly. Please be praying for us that all goes smoothly with as little hiccups as possible. My children are already in my heart and my patience is not that great.

We turned in our preliminary application on Wed. and received several phone calls that day of follow-up which was much appreciated. I know good communication will be key in this journey. We sent it in as well as we needed to send in our $75 application fee. Our 2 hour phone interview is scheduled for 7am Tues morning. We are so excited. I am fairly confident in this company that we have chose. I emailed aprox. 20 of it's references last Tues night because we wanted to sign-up on Wed. morning. I honestly did not expect a response. I have since received 9 responses, 6 of which came that night. Each person so kind, honest, and transparent. I am forever grateful to them. All had very positive experiences and most offered continued support. I then sent in our application with great confidence. I apologize for being so long winded this first go-round but I just wanted to let my family and friends who I have yet to share this news with know the "WHOLE" story so they can come along this journey with us from the start. Thank you in advance for your support and prayers and for those that have been praying for our circumstance all along. We love and cherish you so much.

Hopeful & Excited,
Erin