Monday, July 14, 2008

I feel like I'm losing it!

Well, I humbly blog today that.......I can't keep up with all the responsibilities in my life, I get angry with my children often, I have trouble getting motivated in some important areas, &&&&& I can't keep up with blogging! Okay, that being said... I am also not a quitter and I am working on all of this.

Today is kind of rough for me. I am hosting Bunco this evening at my house which is a once a year thing with my Bunco group. I am feeling totally self conscious about the stains on our couch (which we had to bring downstairs when our other couch broke) & the stains on my carpet! I keep thinking... "How do I cover it up?" I kept meaning to shampoo the carpet for the last...oh, I don't know...MONTH, but time got away from me. And I just deep cleaned my downstairs less than a week ago and it is looking HORRIBLE and ready to be done again! Uugh! Plus I am such a perfectionist (which has been gradually fading away over the last year) that I want everything to be in theme, ready ahead of time, and in the perfect place.

Both of my children are sick with colds so they are not feeling well nor are they on their best behavior. I am trying to get them to rest so they don't cough but that is a huge challenge for an active two & five-year-old. We are still potty training Mollie. She is doing great but we had a few busy days last week of running errands where she was in diapers so we regressed slightly.

On top of it all I am suffering from raging PMS. I am sorry if that is too much info for some readers. Seriously though! Every single symptom- blemishes, pain in the two areas unique to a women's body, sensitive ears, crazy emotions, headaches, bloated! I am hoping it goes away before our long awaited family beach trip next week.

And......last but not least....I am still searching for a part-time job that will fit into our life without taking away from our family. This is an underlying constant stress.

So WOW this turned out to be totally complaining. In reality I am so thankful that these seem to be my biggest problems right now. I know there are so many going through so much more. Sometimes a girl just needs to vent or for me it is just a matter of being honest about my life and that's what my blog has always been about. The good, the bad, and the ugly and how we get through it. I think right now, Momma (me), just needs a good break and a time to be quiet with my Lord. I know He will carry me through this day even without the break and someday soon I will have the quiet that I need. In the meantime I grab as many spiritual "snacks" as I can!

I have so much still to blog about that I have not over the last week & a half. We celebrated our family day (one year since we brought the kiddos home from Russia), Jones started soccer and had his first game, and just our everyday experiences as a family as I attempted to take pictures for the everyday 6-9 pictures a day blog that my friend Stephanie was doing. If you get a chance, look back with me at where we were a year ago (well all of June until July 7th.) It is really weird to look back at my posts from Russia and see how far the Lord has brought us. That was a really really rough, stressful, exciting, & scary all at the same time.

Well, I better go! I need to get busy and ready for tonight! I am sitting here avoiding what I need to do!

(One thing to add: Mollie is sitting here right now petting Jones t-shirt saying "Your cute. I like your shirt. Your cute." It's pretty funny.)


Willow said...

I heard Beth Moore say in the last bible study I took of hers that we need a FRESH outpouring of the Holy Spirit DAILY! Boy have I grabbed onto that and the amount of stressful days have plummeted rapidly since I have been praying for that outpouring in our house, in our lives, in our hearts. So here is my prayer for you:

God I pray that you lift Erin up right now, when the demands of her life feel like they are dragging her down I know that you can counteract those demands in an instant. Lord I pray that Erin feels your peace surrounding her, that you remove the stress in her life; that you squelch it. Help her to remember that the friends you have placed in her life love her because of who You have created her to be, not because of how clean her toilets are or how spotless her carpet is. Because she is full of joy and sweetness and love that you have blessed her with and she is willingly sharing those gifts with others.

Lord I pray that your Spirit POURS out on her - that she can inhale and exhale it and that her children would feel it and respond in obedience and calmness. Help her see one task at a time and not the cumulative tasks at hand. Help her remember she is resting safely in the palm of your Hand.


Love ya girlie.

Molly said...

I always love your honesty in your blog Erin. It keeps me wanting to do the same in mine. I think you're a great mom and as for what people would think if they see stains is... "Erin sure does work hard raising kids and caring for her family and her home is ALWAYS a warm place for people to visit." I know this because I love hanging out at your house and you are a great hostess. Love ya!

Erin said...

You girls are so sweet. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. I really appreciate it. :)

Tami said...

Amen to Willow's prayer!

I know how you feel Erin. I used to stress about friends coming over and seeing the stains on the carpet or the pile of papers on the counter. I would apoligize for any messes or things that weren't as "perfect" as I knew they would have it. I have finally come to accept the fact that our house doesn't have to be perfectly clean when people come over and I WILL have stains on my carpet no matter how many times I have them cleaned! It has been freeing to be able to just clean the way I normaly do for my family and not stress everyone out when company is coming over so that our company will think that our house is always spotless. At first I would watch peoples eyes to see if they were looking at the pile of books that weren't on the shelf, or looking at the floor that wasn't freshly mopped. Guess what!? Nobody was even looking at those things!!! I realized at that moment that I wasn't going to kill myself trying to make the house look like I had a house keeper cleaning it each week and I wasn't going to get grouchy with my family and yell at my kids not to take out toys because company was coming over! It is something that is hard to let go of and I still have to remind myself that it's ok. It is a freeing feeling though and it probably makes the company feel more comfortable because you know what? They have stains too!

Stephanie said...

Amen and Amen again!

Erin, you consistently amaze me with your creativity, drive and love that you show in all areas of your life. Like Molly said, that is all I see when I come to your house... a warm inviting place that I am never denied entrance into and an amazing mom, wife and friend!

I am sorry that you had a hard day and are feeling stressed.

How is your day going today? Any better then yesterday?
How was bunco?

Becky said...

Erin, can I just THANK YOU for your honesty. I am currently mopping and cleaning, and yes, neglecting my children because we have company coming tonight...and now, I just feel like "so what!" Everything everyone said is just so true...WHO CARES? I'm so glad I read your post...what a perspective and awakening I needed at this exact moment.
I understand the stress that motherhood brings, and sometimes we need those "mommy timeouts!" I have loved getting to know you better...and honestly, you are amazing! Everything you do, from motherhood, friendship, to your "ideas" put such heart and creativity into EVERYTHING. You are genuine, the REAL deal! I love that about you!