Thursday, October 23, 2008

Really? REALLY?

Wow, I just drove home from my Grandma's approx 10 minutes away and these are all the thoughts that went through my mind:

I feel tired. I am so hot. I was so cold and now I am so hot. My socks feel like they are suffocating my feet. These shoes don't feel comfortable either. Why is it that I can FEEL all my clothes right now. My underwear is riding and my jeans feel like they are going to squeeze me in half. My shirt feels heavy. Maybe I have that sensory problem. No, I never had it before. It's probably because I am on my period. That's probably why I am hot and my EARS are so sensitive. I think I have a headache. I can't wait to go home and have a bite of brownie and a Diet Dr. Pepper. I am ready for Mommy time. Nope, skip the bite of brownie, that is old way of thinking. I think I ate too much pizza for lunch anyway. Why do I even have brownies anyway? Oh yeah, I am on my period. Excuses I know. Why did I leave Grandma's so quickly. I was finished eating? Mollie needed a nap. She has been keeping me up for several nights now. I think I need to be consistent. THank goodness I got sleep last night. Why do I feel tired now theN? I love Joey. I hope he is having a good day. Lord, please bless him right now. And also I pray that the dream of his heart, owning his own business, comes true. I really want to have a child. I am so thankful for the two I have and I would NEVER ever want you to think I don't appreciate them Lord. They are my life and my little loves. I still would love to feel a baby growing inside of me. And yes, to experience child birth and raising a baby that you created with mine & Joey's DNA. And I want siblings for Jones and Mollie so badly. I surrendered all this to you this morning and I trust you. I am sorry for bringing it up again. It's still fresh. It hurts but I believe in miracles. Mollie & Jones are a miracle. Thank you Lord. Please take this other desire from me if it is not to be. I hope my Mom is not disappointed for me leaving so quickly. I hope she is not disappointed that I was so strict with MOllie while she was eating. Mollie needs her water, I can't reach her. Why did she wait until we were in the car. Here Mollie. Oh, she dropped it! Uugh. I thinkkkkkk I can reach it. I got it. I hope she doesn't drop it again. She is so precious. I need to be more gentle with her. I hope she takes her nap and gets back on schedule. I hope she knows how much I love her. I cannot wait to get home and put my feet up for a short time. Oh yeah! I borrowed that video camera from Steph and now I can watch our old home movies! I think I will preview them and get them ready for Brandon & Brittany's birthday celebration on Sunday. I wonder how my cousin Jenn is today. I wonder if Britt has left Grandma's yet. I wanted to tell her I got the camera. Was there too many emotions at Grandma's? Everything I looked at brought back memories from my childhood. I don't know where to file those ever since everything and now being estranged from Grandpa.I wonder how he is doing up the hill at the nursing home. I wonder when he will come home. I wonder how Grandpa and Grandma are going to take care of each other. I am glad Nancy is in their life to befriend them and take care of the house but what about daily life. I feel weird that Grandma took Jones' & Mollie's pictures up to Grandpa. Aah. I don't want to think of all this. I don't have time to go through all these thoughts and emotions. That was weird looking at pictures when Grandma was younger. Aunt Kathy looks like her. Shoot. Was that hard for Mom to see those pics of her brother? I wish I could have met him. I hope he's in heaven. I can't wait to get home. This music is too loud. I can't get the air right in this car. Hey buddy, my light is still green! I am not going anywhere else today. It's such a beautiful day though. All the leaves are changing on that hill. I like some of the colors and some I don't. Wait, let me take off my glasses. Yep, I like all the colors. Almost home. Hey they are changing that restaurant from an Asian place to a pub & grill. That will probably be more successful especially if they advertise. Come and Get It should open that drive through window. I bet they would get a lot more business. People just checking them out from the security of their cars. I would. I was going to anyway regardless of the window. Okay almost home, just a couple hours and Jones will be home. Okay, so I will take in all the stuff from the front seat. Mollie can take off her shoes and head to bed. I will go up and change. Hey, I could write a blog on this. I wonder if other women think like this. I can't be the only one. How do we even make it through the day with all these thoughts.

7 comments:

Anggi said...

It's like you are in my brain. I think that is why we get along so well, we think alike.

Stephanie said...

Spaghetti trails... that's what they are called! We have em'. Men have compartments (like a muffin tin)... their thoughts don't wind together like ours.

I like ours better ;)

My 5 Boyz said...

I LOVE LOVE this post, Erin!!!
I think we all think like that, it took me back to "Laugh your way..." videos.:)

Thank you for all the kind comments you've left me. You're a sweet friend and a fun mommy. Wish we could hang out :)

Should we plan a playdate?? Poor Mollie, no girls here, but I make up for it pretty good. LOL

Anonymous said...

I hear ya! The scariest part when that happens is when you finally pull up to your house and wonder how you got there becuase you don't remember driving...maybe thats just me! :)

*Jenn

Molly said...

It's almost like we share one brain. I've tried to explain this to Mark before but he just doesn't understand. It's probably the whole muffin tin thing ( I laughed so hard Steph).

Cassie said...

Erin, yes, I think just like this! Your post is so honest, raw, and real. Creative, too! Thanks for sharing all that!

Ariel said...

HAHAHA I can so relate. I've never heard of it being called a muffin pan. That's cute. I always knew it as waffles. It's kind of hard talking to waffles sometimes.... that's why we need girly friends so we know our spaghetti-ness is the way God meant for us to be.